


Change of (life) plans

by yesgalaxies



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Age Play, Angst, Big Maria, Black Hill - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Sexual Age Play, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, little natasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 06:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14231538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yesgalaxies/pseuds/yesgalaxies
Summary: Maria's weekend (and life) plans take an unexpected turn when Steve dropped by unannounced with a very angry, little redhead.Contains age-play, please read the tags.





	Change of (life) plans

**Author's Note:**

> This is 100% self-indulgent. It contains age-play, so if it's not your thing, that's cool! Just remember you don't need to leave a negative comment. Constructive feedback is always appreciated though! :)
> 
> This might be the start of a series, so the age-play is very minimal in this, I don't know...Enjoy?

She was only just getting out of the shower when she heard the elevator dinged, announcing people on her doorstep. Checking the time on her watch, Maria wondered who it could be at this hour. Only a handful of people knew where she lived, and the concierge wouldn’t let just anyone in the elevator leading up to her floor. Finding her phone under the pile of discarded clothes by the tub, she checked to see if she had any missed calls.

She had four, all from Steve Rogers, and one short text message letting her know “ _they_ were on their way”. She guessed they were here. Maria let out a sigh. As long as the city wasn’t under alien or nuclear threat she could handle it, she thought. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with any sort of impendent crisis. The commander had had a long week, and she was looking forward to a relaxing weekend spent in bed with a good book and a nice bottle of wine. These occasions were too few and far between and Maria intended to make the best out of it.

By the time she finished getting dressed someone (Cap, she assumed) was knocking on her door very insistently. A little harder and it would probably have flown off its hinges. She pulled the door opened just as Steve was about to start on another round of fast knocking.

“Hey, Cap,” Maria said coolly, keeping her annoyance out of her tone.

“Commander, good evening,” Steve greeted. Always so formal.

“To what do I owe this impromptu visit?”

For a moment, Steve looked uncomfortable. He shifted his weight to his left side and rubbed the back of his neck. Maria noticed the pink gym bag at his feet.

“I’m sorry to bother you at home so late, Commander,” Steve apologized.

“Maria, please call me Maria. We’re not at work, Steve.”

“Right, Maria. We, uh, seem to have a problem,” was all he said. He took a step back and pointed to something out in the hall.

Natasha, recognizable only by her flaming red hair, was sitting on the floor with her knees drawn to her chest, her back against the wall. Her shoulders were hunched and Maria could tell her hands were shaking even though they were hidden in her sleeves.

“What happened?”

“She dropped. We were on our way back from the training, and she dropped.”

“What do you mean, she dropped?”

“Nat’s a little.”

Shock registered first, and Maria felt her jaw drop in disbelief. She closed her mouth and opened it again to say something, but the Commander was actually speechless. Of course Maria was aware of littles; she had met Daisy Johnson and Jemma Simmons, two extraordinary agents who hid shyly behind Agent May more often than not when Maria visited their base, but Natasha Romanov couldn’t be little, could she? The Black Widow, a soldier trained to be a ruthless assassin. Was it possible? Maria then remembered all the times Natasha had seemed insecure about her role, her position as a SHIELD agent. All the times she had opted to stay home by herself instead of going out with the team. That day Natasha had forced Tony to fly her to the zoo in the middle of the night when she learned about sloths just so she could see “what they looked like in real life”. Her enthusiasm had been so genuine Tony hadn’t even been able to make fun of her. Yeah, maybe all the signs had been there, and none of her friends had been perceptive enough to pick on them.

The Commander shook her head, the sudden guilt she felt left a bitter taste in her mouth. She had failed Natasha and she would do whatever she needed to make sure her agent would be well taken care of. Maria turned to look at Steve.

“Has she said anything? How old?”

Steve shook his head. “Not much, she seemed confused, asked what was going on. I think it might have been her first time dropping. She might be a late bloomer.” He shrugged. “From what I’ve seen I’d say she’s younger than Tony, but older than Wanda. Maybe 3-4?”

“Do we have her caregiver on file?” The moment she asked that question, Maria knew the answer. Of course they didn’t. She had read Romanov’s file more than once, and Maria couldn’t recall any mention of her little/big status. If Natasha had known, she hadn’t judged pertinent to share that information.

“No…” Steve simply said, shaking his head sadly. He looked at her with pity, as if waiting for her to figure something out.

And then it hit her. Why had Cap brought Natasha here if she didn’t have a caregiver? Why had he brought her here at all? Pepper Potts was in charge of dispatching orphan littles to registered caregivers in the area, and Maria knew that Steve knew. Could it be… She stared up at Steve, her eyes shining with tears. She blinked a few times, trying to keep her emotions in check. She wouldn’t hope.

“She asked for you,” Steve answered before Maria could say anything. “Her first little words were ‘I want Maria.’ I called Ms. Potts, she said,” Steve stopped and quickly looked down at Natasha, before staring back at Maria. “She said you used to be registered, but you withdrew your application last month without any real reason.”

Maria let out a mirthless laugh and pushed her hair back. She did have a _real_ reason, sort of, but she had been too ashamed by her own selfishness to mention it to Pepper. Maria had wanted to be a mother, a caregiver for so long. She remembered being a teenager and longing for the day she’d have someone to take care of, to cuddle and spoil. To love. To love like she’d never been loved. When she had finally been in a position to apply as a caregiver, she had been so excited, so hopeful. She had transformed her guest room into a little room. She had painted it pastel green which she thought was a neutral colour, furnished it with a white, wooden bed and a matching dresser and decorated the walls with zoo animal decals and framed pictures. For a while, every time she had gone out shopping, Maria would pick out new stuffed animals and toys, waiting for the day she would finally become a caregiver. But months and years passed by, and Pepper never called. There was never a good match for her. Maybe she simply wasn’t good caregiver material, and Pepper hadn’t had the heart to tell her. Maria had had enough of torturing herself with her doubts and insecurities and had resigned herself to a life without a little.

“Ms. Potts said the bond is stronger when the child requests her own caregiver. Natasha wants you,” Steve pressed.

“She wants me,” Maria repeated, as if she couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t, not really. She always had a feeling Natasha didn’t particularly like her. She was astounded to discover that Natasha had demanded for her, wanted her. Something bloomed in Maria’s chest; a renewed sense of purpose, a fresh happiness she couldn’t quite quell that translated into an uncharacteristic shy smile.

“I’ll take care of her.” 

“This is permanent. You cannot change your mind later,” Steven continued, his tone serious.

“Yes, I’m aware, thank you, Captain,” Maria replied, doing very little to mask the annoyance out of her voice this time. Did he really think she wasn’t cognizant of how important this was?

“She’s been through a lot, Nat deserves the best,” he added, emotion colouring his voice.

“I know.” Oh, yes, Maria knew. She patted Steve shoulder, trying to convey there were no hard feelings. He was only protecting Natasha, she understood and respected that. The Commander was glad Natasha had people looking out for her.

**

Natasha sniffled, her shoulders trembling. She didn’t understand what was going on. One minute she had been the great Black Widow who’d taken Cap down in the gym in front of the new recruits, and the next, she was a snivelling little _baby_. They had been riding the elevator, and Natasha had suddenly felt so exhausted, she could cry (she did). Without thinking, she had plopped herself down between the 7 th and 8th floor and had refused to get up when the elevator stopped and Jarvis’ disembodied voice announced her floor. Steve had had to pick her up and carry her in, and she had liked it. She didn’t really remember what happened after that. She knew she’d cried a lot and screamed at Steve because she didn’t understand what was happening to her and she was frustrated. She had a vague memory of saying she needed Maria because Maria always made her feel better, calmer. At some point, Steve had given her a juice box and she had struggled to unwrap the straw and then he said they had to go and they got in his car and Natasha had probably fallen asleep on the way and now here they were and Natasha was just as confused and lost and she didn’t understand what Maria and Cap were talking about, or why they were talking about her as if she wasn’t here, but she was a bit relieved that Steve had listened to her and brought her to Maria. Maria would fix this.

“Hey, Nat?” Maria crouched in front of the red-hair. She moved her hand slowly to push back some of Natasha’s red curls out of her face, but the little shrank back, making herself as small as she could against the wall.

Startled by her own reaction, Natasha let loose an involuntary whimper.

“Oh, darling,” Maria said quietly. “Nobody is going to hurt you, Natasha, I promise. Do you understand what’s happened to you?”

Natasha shook her head, her red curls falling forward, shielding her eyes completely. “No.” A shaky, tearful whisper that broke Maria’s heart.

Natasha brought her arms in, between her folded legs and her torso and raised her right hand to chew on the sleeve. Maria had never seen Natasha looking so vulnerable. She never thought there would be a day when she’d come to think of the Black Widow as defenseless, but the woman – little girl – curled up in front of her had nothing to do with the fearless agent she had come to know.

“You know how sometimes Tony likes to play with Legos and watch cartoons and asks everyone for hugs, or how Wanda loves it when Laura holds her and Clint tell her stories?” Maria started to explain.

A nod.

“Well, Cap thinks it’s what’s happening to you… Did you know you were a little, Natasha?”

Natasha tensed. She raised her head slowly, peering up from under her wet lashes. She let her arms drop by her sides; her movements sharp and precise. All trace of emotions vanished from her expression in a flash. If it hadn’t been from the tear tracks still damp on her flushed cheeks, you never could’ve told Natasha had dropped a few hours before. She seemed in total control of herself. She stared at Maria straight in the eyes, confident and proud. She tilted her head slightly, lifting her chin, defiant. Her gaze burned with intensity.

“I am _not’ta_ baby,” Natasha scoffed.  “I am Natalia Romanova. I am a soldier, a spy, an assassin. I have been trained by the Red Room. I am no weakling.” The last word had been spitted out harshly, dripping with disgust.

Maria thought she had detected a hint of Natasha’s Russian accent when she’d spoken, and that could only mean one thing. The Red Room had known and they had suppressed it; brainwashed her. Natasha hadn’t been a “late bloomer,” she simply never had the chance to express her little side because it had been deprogrammed out of her.

A fierce anger ignited deep in the Commander’s gut. When she thought she couldn’t be shocked any more by the extents of the Red Room’s abuse, by their cruelty, they always succeeded in proving her wrong.

Cap, alerted as well by the change in Natasha’s demeanor, took a step forward, standing in front of Natasha, hands clasped behind his back, ready to spring into action if needed.

“Nat, you with us?” Natasha glared at her, reminding Maria of a feline ready to pounce. She needed to find a way to distract her, but before she could come up with anything, she sensed Steve lean forward.

“L'vitsa spit,” Steve said, his accent thick.

Natasha blinked, “Mysh' bodrstvuyet.” The tension left her body at once and she slumped against the wall. Her face crumbled, and fresh new tears filled her eyes. “What’s happening to me?” Natasha asked frantic, her eyes wide and afraid. She sniffed loudly and wiped her nose with her sleeve.

“Nothing bad, honey,” Maria was quick to reassure, wiping Natasha’s tears with the pad of her thumb. She was surprised when Natasha angled her face forward, leaning into her touch. Whatever Steve had said to her appeared to have worked, brought her back to herself. Her little self. “You’ll be okay. How about we get you inside and cleaned up, uh? This floor can’t be comfortable.”

Natasha nodded, and with Maria’s help, she got back on her feet. Her first few steps were wobbly, her whole body was shaky, but Maria didn’t let her go. She held her hand and led Natasha in her living room where she let her sit on her very white leather couch. Natasha had never been inside Maria’s apartment before. It was beautiful. The décor was minimal but homely. The walls were painted a pale shade of gray and the furniture was all black and white. Yellow cushions had been arranged neatly on the couch and a fuzzy throw blanket had been placed on the recliner’s armrest to add an accent of colour to the room. Natasha was particularly fascinated by the huge leafy plant near the window. She wondered if Maria would mind if she touched it. Natasha had long given up on the idea of owning any sorts of house plants. She was rarely home and she never remembered to water them anyway.

Following the Commander and Natasha inside the apartment, Steve closed the door behind him and dropped the bag containing some of Natasha’s things in the hallway. He hadn’t really known what to pack, but decided to play it safe, tossing in her toothbrush with a couple of t-shirts and what he believed were called “yoga pants”. Judging by Natasha’s closet, she was a big fan of those.

“If you think you two will be fine, I should go,” Steve said from where he stood. “Sam’s waiting for me back at the tower.”

“Oh, yes, go! Go we’ll be fine,” Maria assured him, waving him out as she made her way back to him. She hoped she sounded more confident than she felt. “I’m sorry, and don’t worry, I’ll call Pepper myself.”

“Alright, it was no problem.”

“Thank you so much, Steve, for bringing her here.”

“You don’t need to thank me, I’d do anything for Nat, you know that.”

“Yes, well, have a great weekend, Cap.”

“You too, call me if you need anything.” Steve nodded once. “Goodbye, Nat!”

From her place on the couch, Natasha watched him wave her goodbye. She suddenly felt sad or scared. She wasn’t too good with feelings. Her stomach clenched and she felt tears building at the back of her throat. She didn’t want him to leave. She wanted to at least hug him goodbye. She heard the door creak open.

“Cap, wait!” Natasha pushed herself off the couch and launched herself at Steve. The soldier turned around and caught her just as her body collided with his. He huffed, taking a step back to regain his balance. Natasha wasn’t heavy at all, but she knew how to use her weight efficiently. He was slightly taken aback when she wrapped her limbs around him in a koala hug and rested her head on his shoulder, but recovered quickly and he rubbed her back slowly, rocking her gently.

“Thank you,” Natasha whispered in his ear, “for bringing me here.”

“You’re welcome, Nat.” Steve risked a quick kiss on her forehead and she looked up at him, smirking with her nose all scrunched up. “You kissed me.”

Steve chuckled. “I did! Now, be good for Maria, yeah?” he said with a wink as he let her down.

“Mhm, I will. Bye, Steve!”

“Bye.”

Maria locked the door behind him, took a deep breath and turned to face Natasha.

The Natasha that stood in front of her was a stark contrast to the Natasha Maria knew. She was avoiding Maria’s gaze, something the Black Widow never did.

"Are you hungry?" Maria wanted to sound casual, but it came out a little too forced. If Natasha noticed, she didn’t let on.

She simply nodded. Natasha hadn't had anything since lunch and she had spent most of the afternoon training. She was starving.

"How does pizza sound?"

"Good."

**

While they waited for their pizza to arrive, Maria had run her a hot bath. She had said it would make her feel better after the crazy day Natasha had had, and she was right. Natasha definitely felt better, less tensed, more loose. The bathtub was big enough for Natasha to lie down completely and be comfortable. It was a far cry from the tub she had in her own apartment.

Maria had instructed her to sit on the toilet’s closed lid while the huge tub filled. She had washed Natasha’s face with the softest of cloth and she had felt funny in her tummy. She had had to bite her lip hard not to cry. Maria was too nice. So nice, she had opened a little cupboard under the sink with a lot of bath products and had let Natasha choose what she wanted to put in her bath. In the end, Natasha couldn’t decide, so she had mixed the blue bubbles with the bright pink bubbles and she had even added a little bit scented oil that came in a tiny glass bottle. A heavenly smell had filled the room, and Maria had praised her combination choices.

After testing the water for the third time to make sure it was the right temperature, Maria had excused herself for a minute. When she got back, she had carried in a little wicker basket full of bath toys. Rubber animals, blocks, little figures and even crayons! Natasha had been a little overwhelmed, not certain what she’d like to play with or if she even wanted to play at all. It seemed a little too babyish. She had opted for the rubber octopus and a cat, but Maria had left the basket by the tub, in case Natasha changed her mind.

“Do you need help get in?” Maria asked, once she shut off the water.

“Nope.”

“Do…you want me to stay?”

“Nope.”

“Alright, call if you need anything.”

“Okay.”

“I won’t come in, but please leave the door unlock. Just in case.”

“Maybe, maybe I can let the door open just a crack. You know, so I can hear when the pizza gets here?” Natasha suggested almost shyly. She twisted a lock of hair around her finger and pulled anxiously at it.

Maria smiled. “That sounds like a good idea.”

Once Maria left, Natasha quickly shed her clothes, leaving them carelessly on the floor. She stepped into the water, relishing its warmth. She stretched out in the water, her back resting on the porcelain edge, the tips of her red hair soaking in the water. She swirled her finger through the water and poked bubbles.

She tried to figure out how she was feeling. Was she really little? She understood the concepts of Bigs and Littles. Bigs took care of littles. Littles were adults who sometimes regressed to a childlike state. Natasha had never questioned her status before. She had simply thought she was a regular adult without any particular parental dispositions. She had assumed the events preceding her graduation had stripped her of what most people thought of as maternal instincts. Widows weren’t trained to play mommy, after all. An acrid taste filled her mouth and she felt a wave of anger submerge her. Natasha clenched her fists and punched the water once, twice, three times and then the anger left as fast as it had come, leaving traces of resignation in its wake.

Natasha knew deep down that she was little. If she was being honest with herself, she had known for a while, since she had seen Clint rocking Wanda to sleep and she had wished it were her instead. Natasha just hadn’t wanted it to be true.

In any case, she picked up the floating little octopus and made it dance on the surface before she dunked it under the water. It was oddly satisfying to see it pop back up, splashing her a little bit as it did.

**

Maria sat cross-legged on the carpeted floor of her hallway, not too far from the bathroom. Her elbows rested on her raised knees and she held her head in her hands. She could hear Natasha splash in the water, talking quietly to herself. She knew Natasha was technically an adult and she was pretty sure she wouldn’t drown if left unattended, but she still felt uneasy being too far away.

In all the scenarios she had come up with over the years, Maria never thought she’d be so awkward and so unprepared. As soon as Steve had said the words, there had been no doubt in Maria’s mind that she was meant to take care of Natasha, but if only she’d had some kind of heads up. She could have prepared herself better. Should she treat Natasha like an adult? Talk to her like one? What Maria had witnessed so far from the redhead were two opposite personalities at war for the same body. She’d just have to go with her guts; do and say what felt right. There was use worrying about it now. She’d have to overcome her own insecurities. She’d probably make mistakes, but she’d learn along the way. Natasha was here, right now, and she needed Maria to care for her.

“Maria?”

Maria startled out of her thoughts, surprised that Natasha would actually call her. She rose to her feet and walked quietly to the bathroom door.

“Yes?”

“I’m done! Can you bring me clean clothes? I forgot my bag.”

“Sure, I’ll be right back, honey.” Maria retrieved her bag and unzipped it. She took out a pair of dark gray pants, an old SHIELD t-shirt that had seen better days, socks and underwear. Maria chuckled, picturing the level of embarrassment Steve must have felt when picking those out.

“Here, I’ll leave them on the counter for you,” she told Natasha as she only slipped her arm through the door, careful not to violate Natasha’s privacy.

“Maria…” Natasha wanted Maria to help her. She could dress herself. She had done it a million times before. But it would nice if Maria did it for her. It would be nice to feel taken care of. Just like when Steve had held her…

“What’s wrong, Nat.”

“Nothing. I. Can you help me?” The desire to feel cared for had been stronger than her pride.

Maria walked into the room.Natasha was still in the water, half covered by the now frothy water. Maria grabbed a fluffy towel, stretched out her arms and said, “Come on, out you go.”

**

Maria had seen littles before of course, but there was something utterly disconcerting about witnessing Natasha Romanov acting so very little. The way she constantly wiggled on her chair, the way she chewed with her mouth slightly open, the way she carefully lifted her cup with both her hands to take a sip of juice, the way she didn’t notice or care about her purple mustache on her upper lip and the tomato sauce drying on her cheeks. Maria studied her over her own slice of pizza, slowly but surely falling in love with this bewildering and adorable version of Natasha.

“Is it true?” Natasha blurted out rather solemnly, her mouth half full.

“Is what true?”

She swallowed, cocked her head to the side. “That…that you didn’t want a little anymore?”

“Oh, honey, no,” Maria reassure, shaking her head emphatically. “That’s not true at all.”

“But Steve said,” she interrupted her. She had this fierce, burning look in her eyes that cut straight to the Commander’s heart.

Maria sighed. She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to keep her tears in. She didn’t want to lose it in front of Natasha. The little girl didn’t have to deal with her own emotional insecurities. Maria reached out and held one of Natasha’s hands with both of hers.

“It is true that I told Pepper I didn’t want to be on the list anymore, but it is not because I didn’t want to be a caregiver. The truth is I wanted to be one so badly, it hurt too much when nobody wanted me.” Of course it was a little more complicated than that. It was all about personality compatibility, career choices and gender preferences if applicable. She knew it wasn’t anything personal, but it still had been heartbreaking.

“I. Me. I want you,” Natasha breathed out softly.

“And that makes me so, so happy, Natasha. You have no idea.” Maria tilted her head up, facing the ceiling, trying her best to swallow back her tears. She didn’t remember ever being so goddamn emotional. She offered Natasha a watery, but happy smile and added, “I think you and I are going to make a great team, Nat. I promise to do my very, very best to care for you, protect you and love you with all of my heart, if you’ll have me. Your only job will be to be yourself. What do you say?”

Natasha seemed to be considering her proposition very carefully and said, “I hafta pee.”

Maria blinked, stunned. She was not expecting that answer, that’s for sure. Life with Natasha as her little would sure never be boring.

“You know where the bathroom is,” Maria replied, biting her lip to cover up her smile. “Do you need help?”

Natasha thought about it, hesitated and shook her head. “Nah, I’m big girl Natasha.”

“Oh, I see. My apologies,” Maria said, raising a shapely eyebrow. She wasn’t fooled by Natasha at all. Amused, oh yes, but there was no way that the Natasha sitting in front of her was one hundred percent adult. “Well then, big girl Natasha, the bathroom awaits.”

Natasha rose graciously from the table and walked out of the kitchen with one last uncertain look towards Maria, as if to make sure she wasn’t going anywhere.

While Natasha was busy in the bathroom, Maria started thinking maybe Natasha had used it as an excuse to avoid dealing with her feelings. God knows adult Natasha was a pro at running from everything and everyone that hit too close to home. She didn’t blame Natasha though; not with the life she’d had. Maria wasn’t delusional; she knew she couldn’t expect Natasha to open up to her, to trust her right away. Natasha was every bit like a wild animal. You had to be patient and calm, win her trust little by little, no brusque moves. She had no doubt little Natasha was exactly the same, if not even more guarded. Maria hoped that she could prove herself worthy of Natasha’s trust. The Commander vowed to herself she wouldn’t let her down.

She had read in magazines before, that the first drop was the hardest, especially for the child. It was confusing and terrifying to suddenly feel powerless and be so dependent on someone. The first few times were often accompanied by a general feeling of confusion and/or frustration, lethargy, refusal to eat or drink, tears and toddlers were particularly prone to temper tantrums, screaming fits and denial, Maria recounted in her head. She was more than a little concerned by how well Natasha seemed to be adjusting.   

**

In the bathroom, Natasha took her time. She did her business and washed her hands, twice. Maria’s soap smelled like clementine and pamplemousse jus, which Natasha knew was the fancy French way to say grapefruit juice, and it came out of a fancy automatic dispenser. Everything in Maria’s apartment was beautiful and luxurious or so it seemed to Natasha. She rubbed her hands together loving the way the soap lathered and bubbled. It made a squelchy sound she liked. Natasha squeezed her hands together one last time before rinsing them. She did her very best to avoid her own reflection in the mirror, but then she met her bright green eyes. She leaned forward, observing her face searchingly. Her red curls were a bit of a mess, but they were the same they had been yesterday. Her face was just as slender and angular, her skin just as pale, lightly dusted with freckles. Her eyes were the same shade of green, her lips just as full. Natasha was exactly the same she had been yesterday, except now she felt different inside. She wished the change she felt would reflect on the outside, so she’d know for sure. Her same green eyes glossed over with tears and her same bottom lip quivered. She was vulnerable, _weak_.

She knew, in theory, what was happening to her, but not why it had manifested now or at all. She was angry. So angry! Why did she have to be little? Why couldn’t this feeling have stayed buried? Why now after all these years? She was Natasha Romanov. The Black Widow. She didn’t need anyone. She _could_ take care of herself. She didn’t _want_ to need anyone.

Tears coursed down her pale cheeks and she wiped them angrily. ‘Stop crying you big baby!’ she commended herself. Natasha thought about how nice it had been when Steve had picked her up in his arms. He had been warm and cuddly and she had felt so safe. Too safe? And right now, she wanted Maria to come and hug her. To hold her and rock her and sing her little lullabies and Natasha was so confused because she never had any of those things, so how could she know if that was really, truly what she wanted?

**

Maria found her in her bedroom closet, curled up tight against the wall, hiding behind her suitcase. She could tell by the way Natasha’s body was trembling, that she was crying silently. The sight tore at Maria’s heartstrings.

“Nat, honey?” she whispered. Maria eased the door open completely, slowly, careful not to make any sudden moves. She didn’t want to frighten her. But Natasha didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge she’d even heard Maria in any way.

Only when Maria took another step to enter the closet did she lift her head and looked at Maria, her green eyes wide with panic and tears glistening on her cheeks. “Why is this happening to me? I don’t like it. Make it go ‘way,” she pleaded.

Maria was struck my how young, how fragile Natasha looked. It was unsettling to see her so terrified; she was usually always so composed; stoic even.

“Oh, Natasha. It’s just the way it is, honey. It’s nothing bad, you’ll see,” Maria replied, at loss of a better explanation.

Natasha remembered never-ending, cold, lonely nights cuffed to her bed where she lay shivering, too afraid to cry. She remembered hunger, pain and blood. Remembered feeling so powerless she’d do anything to prove herself worthy, to receive a little bit of the attention she craved so desperately. No, there was absolutely nothing good about being little. It meant you were at someone’s mercy. She would never belong to anyone but herself.

Without any warning, Natasha sprung to her feet, releasing a feral cry and shouted, “I am _not_ little!” She tried slipping past Maria, but the Commander shifted her body to block her, wrapping her arms around her waist, preventing her escape. Suddenly feeling trapped, Natasha lashed out, kicking and screaming, but Maria held on tight, shushing her gently.

“It’s okay, honey, it’s okay,” Maria told her as she lowered them both to the floor. As Natasha wrestled to get free, Maria was grateful for the reluctant hours she had put in, training at the gym. Still, she knew she’d never be able to match Natasha’s full strength.

“Let me go! I am not a child!” Natasha yelled, struggling to get loose. She was weak. Her body, her best weapon, refused to obey her. Desperate, she closed her fists and pummeled Maria’s chest weakly. She choked on her tears, coughing through her sobs. She tried in vain to twist and pushed herself away, but Maria never let go. When the fight finally went out of her body, Natasha sagged heavily against Maria, heaving for breath.

“It’s alright, Nat, you’re safe,” she reassured softly, rubbing firm circles on her back. “You’re okay, deep breathes.”

Maria cradled her head to her chest, rocking her back and forth, back and forth, ignoring the burning ache in her lower back, well passed after Natasha’s sobs had slowly turned to hiccups, after she had fallen silent, her body heavy with exhaustion.

Natasha shifted on Maria’s lap. Rotating her wrist a couple times, she managed to bunch up her sleeve and lifted her hand to her mouth to chew on it. Maria noted she’d have to find something more appropriate for her to suck on.

“I’m sorry I hit you,” Natasha apologized after a while, her voice muffled by the damp fabric.

“It’s okay, it’s already forgiven,” Maria promised, kissing the top of Natasha’s head softly.

“Do…do you still want me, Maria?”

“Yes. I’ll always want you, Nat. No matter what,” the Commander said decisively.

The little girl sighed deeply and buried her face in the crook of Maria’s neck. Maybe Natasha was giving in too easily, but she was tired and scared and Maria was here and she felt safe. Even if she didn’t want to feel this way, Natasha had to admit (at least to herself) that she wasn’t feeling very big.

Sensing that Natasha hovered on the edge of sleep, Maria suggested, “How about you sleep in here with me tonight?”

“Yes, please.”

A whisper against her neck.

In the course of a few hours, Maria’s entire life had changed, now heading in a direction she had ceased to believe could ever be hers. She thought back on her original plans. Yes, she could still definitely use a glass of wine. She’d just have to put her little girl to sleep first.

 

 

* * *

Russian translation (thank you, Google translate)

L'vitsa spit: The lioness is asleep.  
Mysh' bodrstvuyet: The mouse is awake.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! You can find me @ yesgalaxies on Tumblr :)  
> Feel free to drop me a prompt if you'd like, either in this universe or another. I struggle to come up with ideas sometimes xx


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